It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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