Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Bring me that man meat
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
