Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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