No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
