So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
