I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
