are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
