I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize