Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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