I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dear god my vagina.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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