Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
