Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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