Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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