"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
