Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
