Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize