Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
