her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
