im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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