shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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