Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
