How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize