i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I currently don't understand fingers.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
