Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
