id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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