I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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