There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
