dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
