look no pants
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
