I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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