i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The air was thick with penises
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
