ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
