Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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