More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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