She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
