I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
