in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
