I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
