I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You left your phone here
Wait...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
