Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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