I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
