My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
