god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
