I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
