can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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