Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
