You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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