Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
