Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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