You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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