Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
