how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
