Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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