first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
