Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i love accidental penises.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So many bounce houses so little time
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
