i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
