Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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