I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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