the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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