How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
