we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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