Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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