Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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