Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
