A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
