My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
