I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
