Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think weed is turning my hair brown
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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