After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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