Got a toothbrush?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
