My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All I want is dick and wine.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
