Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
