and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
