Your mouth is God's brothel.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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