I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
