i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
