i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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