do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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