Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
