Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
