the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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