Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
