you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
