ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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