i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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