the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I AM VODKA MAN
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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