Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
