the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
