To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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