The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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